So there’s this movie “Friends With Kids”. It’s incredibly bad. I’ve yet to survive through the whole film, and it’s a guilty pleasure of mine to try and see how far I get before pulling my hair out.
Record so far: 52 minutes.
What follows is a rant. Sit tight.
It’s about these two middle classed nitwits who hate their friends. Not that I blame them. Their friends are some of the meanest, most unhappy couples living absolutely horrible lives.
The movie shows why monogamy is killing relationships and how the tabloid-conservative American can’t bear themselves to say it out loud that polyamory is the correct way to live. If the script had any sort of intelligence, it’d make for an excellent social commentary satire.
They come so close. So there’s this plasticface girl (played by Jennifer Westfeldt) living with monojoke guy (Adam Scott). Everything is going smoothly and well, as long as they date other people while they hang around each other. They obviously love each other, but in their monogamous mind they can never make it work because they have this idea that they’re only friends and the ONE is out there.
Holy shit this movie makes me squawk my bitter beak.
I was shouting at the screen in frustration that they got it half right. They got the friggin’ baby part done right. Damn, I’ve been wondering how you can have a baby in a polyamorous relationship, and this movie nailed it!
They even went as far as living together, supporting each other, and at the same time going out and meeting other people. Unlike the nitwit married couples in the movie, who just bile hate on each other and live this sickening nightmare of trying to compare themselves to others.
Seriously, there’s one scene where the shit friends all pile up in an elevator and get ready to be horrified at how badly a polyamorous relationship is working. And then the joke is that it’s actually working quite well.
The movie is the ultimate rundown of why monogamous relationships will eventually fail. Yet it’s still too gutless to suggest an alternative. If for once these movies would speak of things honestly and leave this conservative bullshit behind.
Monojoke is such a dick to this woman whom he calls his friend. What the fucking hell? I get that SHE’S NOT THE ONE for you you fucking cocksucker, it doesn’t mean that you can’t fucking be there to support her! I mean, it’s just your kid’s mother! For fuck’s sake what kind of cuntmuncher writes this shit?I have been informed that Ms. Plasticface (played by Jennifer Westfeldt) is the cuntmuncher who writes this shit.
I also found it hilarious, that the most awkward pickup line (performed by Monojoke guy trying to be clever) almost crashed and burned, but immediately turned positive, when the cockmuncher actually said something HONEST.
Imagine that, saying something honest?
Oh and plasticface looks like that woman from the eighties monkey planet-movie.
My fucking forehead.
I’m sure the movie will end in the realization that monogamy is the true gawd blessed way, because these idiots don’t know how to be polyamorous. They can’t just go over that hump and realize that they love many people. But no, they have to be petty and jealous.
Oh and next to that we got Mr. Pious (played by Jon Hamm) here judging open relationships harshly because it’s not good for the baby or what not. Well listen here asshole, the baby was just fine with the parents meeting other people.
Problem is, that the parents are such goddamn morons that they don’t understand their own feelings well enough and end up stuck in this limbo of monogamous polyamory. The baby is NOT fine with jealous parents who don’t care for each other.
Jesus fuck could you just fucking love each other? It can’t be so hard. (Hold your “That’s what she said”-jokes till the end, please.)
So their polyamorous baby-relationship pretty much crashed and burned not for the polyamory, but for the guy acting like a fucking asshole towards his friend and his baby’s mother.
Movie, you got it half right. Polyamory is the way to go, but polyamory requires the utter acceptance of yourself and others.
This illustrates how even in the most conservative country in the world, people are frustrated by the relationship-status quo forced on them by society. And while the movie deals with it in the most primitive ass-backwards frustrating way, it still shows glimpses of how a polyamorous relationship could work with a baby in the picture.
If only the script would’ve had balls enough to go far enough to question monogamy and suggest polyamory as a natural state of things.
disclaimer: This is an anti-theist rant. So if you’re not into that shit, better tune out. Normal JTBL will resume in a few days.
The square was full of people gathered in small groups. Well dressed people. Something was off.
You know that bit in the film, where the survivors have to act like zombies to get through a horde without being gruesomely eaten? I wasn’t so much worried about being eaten, but I had something religious groups saw as prime pickings – critical reasoning faculties. So I made a beeline outta there, mumbling something about Jesus and the Earth being flat as I went, to not raise suspicion.
At best, religion gives you hope and a sense of community. At worst it’s a way to outsource responsibility and justify atrocities.
It hurts education, advocates anti-intellectualism and makes otherwise rational and well-meaning people act like crazy lunatics. There’s a reason our human brains tend to rationalize reality in a way that leads to supernatural shit, but that’s just what it is: our brains making sense of the world. It’s rather awesome if you think about it, but most would rather just lull themselves into the delusion of some fairytale, details of which vary according to birthplace and parents’ religion.
Churches as well: an archaic institution to keep people united in a tribal community-kinda way and give unlawful authority figures a reason to collect a huge paycheck. Oh, and systematically hide the fact that they’re abusing little boys. You can spin doctor it all you want, but these are just facts, and can happen with any organization given unlimited power without reasonable basis. Not the pedofilia so much – that’s just a result of a completely twisted, sexually repressed culture. A topic for another day.
It’s generally frowned upon to question personal beliefs, because people get offended. It’s actually become such a taboo subject, that people would rather reinforce false beliefs than risk insulting someone. We’ve all heard of someone who knows someone who personally witnessed the return of the savior in their dreams, naked, holding a Playstation 2 and singing the Kumbayah.
To be fair, who knows? They might have, they might not have. But the reason these stories have any validity is because no one ever told this person that they were probably imagining things, and they should stop telling their stupid story as fact.
Well guess what. I don’t give a shit about politeness for etiquette or social validation. I won’t hesitate to make my opinions vocal if I smell bullshit. That probably makes me an asshole, but there you go. We live in the 21st century, and it’s time to move past tribal belief systems. They cause nothing but grief, hold us back as a species, and lead to some fucked up society structures.
Having said that, I do try to focus my ridicule on issues and institutions, rather than resort to ad hominems. See? Polite asshole.
But it doesn’t always work out that way.
It wasn’t like I’d targeted him. Not really. My snide remarks were always meant to ridicule the human condition. But, like any true religious person, he had completely assumed the necessary victim mentality and cherry picked the things to get offended by.
The resulting butthurtdom was twofold – apparently churches and religion have caused much more good than I give them credit for, and the real way to practice religion is much more intelligent than what I describe. Not only that, I was to suffer a full dose of passive aggressiveness and guilt-tripping for creating this rift between us.
Well, I said, cracking open a can of whoop-ass.
Look. Any of the good credited to religion or churches in the past (or present) could be achieved without all the supernatural mumbojumbo. But if you’re gonna use that as an argument, it’s pretty much akin to saying that AIDS is generally a good thing. I mean, sure it leads to a shutdown of your immune system and life threatening complications, but at least you had sex.
Justifying the existence of churches as a tax-funded organization with the small amount of good they could have possibly taken part in, while completely disregarding all the horror, inhumanity, and detriment to society they’ve played a key role in, is disgustingly hypocritical. We don’t like Hitler, even though he was a vegetarian, now do we?
Regarding the intelligence-part… so apparently there’s an intelligent way to be spiritual or religious? And it’s fundamentally different from the way the silly folk are doing it, I guess? Sure, let’s talk about that.
Let’s start by agreeing that you and I, we live in the same reality, yeah? I mean, that’s pretty much a prerequisite for actually having this conversation. There are certain phenomena that go along with our reality. Things like gravity and cheesecakes.
Do things live in our reality that we aren’t aware of? More than likely. Is one of those things a bearded deity who wrote the bible and occasionally drops over to do some miracles in Alabama? Almost certainly not. Nearly every strange phenomenon recorded or investigated has had a plausible natural explanation, and as science progresses we’ll be able to find explanations for the rest. The God of the gaps-argument keeps getting weaker and weaker as time progresses. Remember when the Earth used to be flat?
Now the question of the ages: does the abovementioned bearded deity live outside our reality? Who knows.
Maybe something outside of our reality created our reality. It has absolutely no bearing in our life, so why forcedly invoke belief in something that might exist somewhere? Feel free to believe in what you wish if it gives you warm feelings, if you want to believe it or because Jesus told you to believe in it. That’s completely your prerogative. Keep it to yourself and I won’t care.
Understand though, that believing in something without basis or reason is irrational. There’s no way around that. If you want to be pious about it or get offended for someone calling you out on your irrationality, that’s also your prerogative.
I think it’s bloody stupid and unproductive, but it’s your prerogative.
But no true Scotsman, you cry out! Not YOUR religious beliefs, they’re not irrational! You believe in things intelligently. Not like those other people who believe things irrationally, no not you!
Then you get together with a whole bunch of similarly thinking people, who share and validate your beliefs. Suddenly your ridiculously nonsensical belief has social validation. It’s even frowned upon to question it. You go through incredible mental gymnastics to make your belief fit the surrounding reality. Well, guess what – getting together with a bunch of people who believe in Santa Claus doesn’t make Santa Claus any more real. It just means you hang around with a bunch of delusional people.
I could go on for days debunking all the arguments religious people have made since the 15th century, but rational explanations won’t change a true believer’s mind. Why?
Does that make them an idiot? No. Does that make them thoroughly irrational? No.
Some of the most intelligent people in the world are religious. Kinda sad, but it just goes to show how beliefs are completely separate from the logical mind. You can not choose to believe or not to believe. No, beliefs are trained and ingrained. You have a right to believe what you wish. And so do I.
Taking offense is completely voluntary. So if you’re gonna believe some ridiculous crap, then at least have the common decency to not get offended when someone doesn’t share your beliefs.
Yesterday I heard a friend had randomly run into this site while searching for travel blogs. It was somewhat shocking, the utter realization that this stuff is actually visible to people out there.
It’s always a fine line when publishing your thoughts about real life. You need to respect other people’s secrets and still tell the story. You need to record your feelings in a particular moment, and be ready to stand behind what you said if confronted about it. It’s easy to forget this, writing for invisible people in internet-land. And yet, here I was, listening to a real live human being reacting to the things I’d written about them publicly.
I felt utterly humbled. It got me thinking about how I ended up writing what I did.
See, I generally avoid judgment. It’s not my style. However, I am hugely perceptive and rather mindful of other people, so I’ve learned to trust my instict. Which frankly, is something I emplore everyone to do. Now, instinct is based on biological factors, which stem from the need to survive – ie. it hurts if a beast eats you. It’s the inherent inclination towards a complex behaviour. So when you get approached on the street by some guy who on the surface seems nice and smart, but gives off a vibe of fucking weirdo creep, you feel uncomfortable and want to remove yourself from the situation. That’s fair.
You form a first impression of someone in the first few seconds you see them. Not talk to, but SEE them. You make a quick assessment of what they’re portraying, compare it with whatever experience and evolution have ingrained in your head, and act accordingly. That’s humanity for you.
Also works the other way around: My approaching strangers, on the surface, can seem like I’m a fucking weirdo creep. But beneath I give a vibe of warmth, honesty and respect. Which generally leads to people responding warmly. So I got that going for me, which is nice. =)
If I get a particular feeling about a person, I generally don’t make second guesses, because more often than not, I’m correct. But on the occasion, I get told off for making rash judgments without knowing all the facts. Inevitable, of course, but it raises questions:
Not that it really matters.
In any case, I don’t mean to offend. People are as they are, and I don’t get along with everyone. However, I am just a flawed human like anyone else, with a sharp tongue and the occasional bad day. So if on occasion, you find me going ad hominem on your ass, do feel free to give me an ass whooping.
I’ve been thinking about moving the blog to its own domain for a while now, mostly to make subscribing easier, but haven’t really gotten around to it. Because, you know, laziness.
The idea of this blog being out there, actually searched for on Google, by real people, pushed me to finally move the site to its own domain.
So the official domain of JTBL is now http://twobitsofluggage.com/, so update your bookmarks! The old url of http://twobitsofluggage.wordpress.com/ will redirect as well, so no worries there. Otherwise everything should continue as usual, the biggest change being the SUBSCRIBE-button on the right. So everyone please SUBSCRIBE, and you’ll be the first to know when a new post is published!
Oh, and anyone looking for how to migrate a wordpress.com blog to its own domain, use these brilliant instructions.